beach bod

I hate looking at photos of beaches.
Don't get me wrong, I love the beach! I mean, who doesn't?
It's a great place to chill, lying on the white sand (or grey, if you're referring to a Singapore beach) and staring at the aqua, blue-greenish clear cool water (or blue, dark blue, a little dark and opaque, if you're referring to Singapore's beach); it's a great place to unwind after a hectic week or just lie down next to a loved one and bask in each other's presence; it's a great place to play, have a picnic and feel the sea breeze.
Yet, somehow, when all of these images appear in my head, all I think about is girls and guys with the best beach bods.

Bikini/beach bods are a sign of either 1) you're anorexic/bulimic or 2) hardworking and determined.

Disclaimer: bikini/beach bods are not those overly skinny, skin and bones bodies. I'm referring to those that are slim, toned and muscular at the same time if you get what I mean.

It's crazy how I look at them and then look at myself. Telling myself that I need to work harder.

But I don't, that's the problem. I can't bring myself to stop eating chocolates or sweets or meat.

I can't bring myself to run, swim and do cardio.

Yet, every year, I promise that I will work towards that goal. To no avail.

Right now, I'm sitting here, cuddled in blankets and just, lazing around. Being fat.

Many see this bikini bod as a materialistic want but no, it's not. It is attractive because it shows that you're a person with willpower; it is attractive because it shows that you work hard; it is attractive because, well, it makes you different from all those lazy girls.

I want a bikini bod because I want to gain self-confidence, I want  to feel better about myself; because I want to be able to go to a beautiful beach and parade around in a bikini confidently without being afraid that I'm just scarring everyone I walk past; because I want to wear every type of outfit out there and look absolutely stunning in them because of my petite figure.

I will try, and I must try.
I've had this goal for 3 years already, when will I finally set my heart and mind to accomplish it?

Any time, this year?